


Within These Walls

by cadkitten



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Mental Anguish, Mental Instability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-06
Updated: 2013-10-06
Packaged: 2017-12-28 14:20:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/992890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes it's the heart that takes the most damage and sometimes it's the mind. With Loki, it's always been an equal amount of both.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Within These Walls

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by icy-mischief's post on tumblr and maxkennedy's art on deviantart.  
> Beta Readers: sakura_ame  
> Song[s]: "My Strife" by Coldrain (USA)

There were times in which Loki simply took whatever was thrown at him and took it in great stride. There were moments in which he could have been the strongest man to walk Earth's crust. And then there were the moments in which he felt like nothing more than a lowly insect, smashed against the windshield of an oncoming semi. It really depended on the day, the way the wind was blowing, and how much his mind was screaming above the song of his heart.

He'd been called misguided, foolish, a rogue, and even villain. Maybe they were all true in some form or other or perhaps he just saw the world through a different colored glass. Nothing was ever as crystal clear as Thor tended to see it and he knew that better than anyone. Adopted, lied to, and scorned. He was a part of the very object of hatred for what he'd called his people and it had been hidden from him for years.

Within reason, anyone in his position would have been upset, would have doubted everything and everyone around him. Most of all, those who were closest and had still chosen to continue the lie. "You're one of us, Loki." But he wasn't. "You're family." Not in the way he should have been. "We love you." Only as far as he could throw a stone. Beyond that lay the vast emptiness of disdain, mistrust, and hatred. At times taking any of his family at face value was more like wading through a pinfish infested swamp with no waders. 

And now... now he sat here in this glass enclosure, like one of those human circus attractions. Come one, come all, stare at the once-great villain, Loki. Or perhaps more like an animal. Watch how he paces; watch how he eats his meals and sleeps. There was no illusion of privacy even. Everything he did was seen by every single camera, by the guard that remained outside his prison day and night. Perhaps worse than that, no one even came to talk to him. He had gone weeks at a time without a single word. Not even, "Loki, here's your meal." Or "Loki, you should shower." Nothing. If he wasn't doing something they thought he should be, they would stare at him in disdain until he got the point and did it. 

For months he held it mostly together, feeling justified in what he'd thought he was doing. Taking back the power he deserved, taking his rightful place. But slowly, methodically, he found the faults, the lies, the chaos of his inner self. And it began to chip away at him in absolute silence. At first it was simply a nagging thought clinging to the back of his mind. _Maybe you were wrong._

And maybe it had been wrong... some of the things that resulted from his actions. But he'd only been trying to get back what he'd been denied... to take what was rightfully his own. Things slowly churned in his head, the long days of nearly twenty hours of the brightest lights imaginable eating away at his sanity. When he did sleep it was restless, broken by a myriad of things he could never anticipate. His meals were never the same time each day. His life held no schedule whatsoever, no judgment of the passing of time. The hours in which the lights were dimmed were never enough for his body to register as night. The days faded into one another, harsh and unyielding, relentlessly marching forward. 

Even the worst possible moments, the ones in which any being wanted to themselves, were spied upon by at least one other soul if not more. The watchful eyes never yielded, never strayed. And the thoughts multiplied, intensified. _You were wrong. And now your entire family hates you._ But they were never really his family to start with, were they? Adopted and lied to, thrust into the midst of something he was not and never explained to. _But they were what you had._ And that much was true. They were all he'd had and now he had nothing. Not a single soul on his side.

The doubt rolled in, tumbling through every thought, every action. He lay in his bed for most of the hours of each day, refusing to get up and do anything no matter how many dirty looks he got from the guards for not even doing routine things. His meals lay cold and uneaten on the floor until they were taken away, just like everything else in his life. No mother, no father, no brother, no pride, no heart, and no soul.

The day finally came in which the door opened long before shift change was to take place. Outside his pane of glass, he watched as a figure he knew to be Thor's strode into the room. The guard was dismissed and Thor came to stand at the closest point the barrier would allow, watching him for a few minutes, not a word spoken.

He'd been sitting on the floor, his hands resting in his lap, and he remained that way, waiting... hoping. His mind grasped onto that spark of hope, dredging it out of the sinkhole of his mind and wrapping tightly around it. If Thor was here, there was hope.

And then he spoke, finally the sound of a voice that was not his own. The sound was like broken glass, his ears far too sensitive to anything with how whisper quiet everything else had been, but he hid his wince well enough. He turned his head to watch the way Thor's lips formed the words. He wanted help... Loki's help. Something inside him elated at the fact that perhaps... he was needed... wanted after all. But the words that came out were bitter, nearly cruel. "You must be truly desperate to come to me for help." It was the truth though, wasn't it? The only truth he could offer. The circumstance had to be grim to ask for the villainous Loki's help in something. 

The look Thor gave him made it clear that it was a big deal and that the help was truly needed or else he wouldn't have been there. "What makes you think you can trust me?" The most obvious of all questions. Hope spread through him. He imagined the myriad of options his once-brother could offer him. _Because you're family, Loki. It's that simple._ Or maybe a more hardened version, but equally as telling. _You are Asgardian by nature, my brother._

But instead, the answer came as, "I don't."

He hadn't expected it and it hurt worse than any other disgrace he'd endured thus far. And he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it showed on his face. That the aching, deep-seated pain was displayed there firmly enough for Thor to see it in those few moments before he looked away. _I don't._ It wasn't the answer he would have believed to come from Thor's lips. The once-trusting son of Odin, the man who had defended him time and again... now could not trust him any further than this glass room. And in reality, it had been Thor that put him here, hadn't it? He'd placed him behind this glass charade of a cell to be watched every minute of every day. And it had been him who had allowed no measure of privacy to him.

The realization trickled in with icy fingers gripping his heart. He hadn't the strength to be angry any longer, the will to truly return any fight at all to the argument. Instead, he simply sat, wordless and motionless, letting it sink in. This man was asking for his help, but he didn't trust him in the least. Just what state was the universe in that they'd need someone they no longer cared about or loved to cover for them?

And, somehow, he supposed this was in some way his fault as well. Or perhaps they would not be asking at all. Closing his eyes, he rested his head back against the wall. "I will help." And that was that. No fuss, no argument, and certainly no further hesitation. And maybe... somewhere along the way he could find his voice once again... or at least the will to continue.

**The End**


End file.
